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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 11: How funny. At least I thought so….



Coney Island eh?

Sooooooooo concerned about my camera shots adding a yellow tint to my face on Coney Island Boardwalk, til I realise it’s mustard from the Nathan’s Hot Dog(s) just devoured……


Back to 4 days left: I’ve just seen the Final Sondheim “Here We Are” and VERY (NOUVEAU) RICHE NEW YORKER humour it is too….hardly any songs in it but some rather dazzling staging in a dazzling new theatre, and a more song-y first half….it won’t be remembered too much methinks… I’ve only just seen it and I can’t remember it…but it had its moments.


Mind you I also saw the abominable waste of time that was Napoleon (in flipping IMAX). Utter garbage. Expensive nonsense. At least Cecil B. De Mille had a great name. Half the cinema was laughing at the dialogue all the way through btw…..


These so called Blockbusters ain’t ‘Alf largely Crap Mum. (An Andrew D of Cambridge is nodding...

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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 10: The Big Granny Smith - Cleavage or Bust?



You see I have no idea why that heading came into my peculiar addled or even appled head, it just did. But having arrived in the mad crazy busiest city on Earth at the maddest craziest busiest time of year (Thanksgiving/Christmas), the last thing I needed was to have to change accommodation after a few hours (for reasons of abysmal bed abysmal smell in room abysmal area etc etc…). Still we managed less than 14 hours in that place and were in a very decent hotel just off Times Square, the Heart of the Huge Golden Delicious, the Middle of the Massive Macintosh, the Core of the Crab etc etc (many more Appley Affirmations Available on request)….

The refund was later received. Phew.



So let’s get one or two things of my chest. Firstly: SMELL Everywhere across the USA there is one smell on almost every street (ok there’s a lot of a Uriney Pong in places too) …and...

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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 9: Deal me a card from the Poopdeck


Ok starting to get pooped after long walks…this 67 yrs learning that you need a rest after a three hour walk, even in the rather historical and spectacular mini-metropolis that is Philly (not the cheese) Philadelphia founded a zillion years ago, formerly Top Spot in the US charts (way b4 the Philly Sound, though there is a Gamble & Huff Walk.)…huge LGBT scene and swanky Sonder “Unit” is Slap Mrs Bang centre of Red Light City….

The historical stuff is all about the Independence and Presidential Whatnot and Lots of statues (including a Rocky statue …. The famous steps in the movie are a rather major landmark it seems) and….. the Liberty Bell which doesn’t Bong Anymore.

Chinatown….lots of Dim Sum places….nearly made a mistake of ordering lunch at a Chinese Reflexology place, asking for a steamed neck massage, two spicy waxed legs and a foot bath, with tea…well they LOOKED edible..

I do...

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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 8: “I’m Not Lovin’ It, Whatever “It” Is”


Day 48 means 2 things for me 1) 3 days to go b4 my next march forth Virginia-wards, and 2) today is my first McDonalds of the trip. Amazing really …. And though the Golden Arches slogan states how much one is Lovin’ it, the truth Dear Reader, so you don’t have to search for flavour, is that there is no flavour whatsoever in a McDonald’s Breakfast Sandwich. Today’s consisted of a) a soft fluffy “biscuit” (aka a softish English scone b) a “folded egg” (aka bit of microwaved omelette) c) Some processed cheese (some processed cheese) and d) a sausage patty (a bit of totally tasteless turkey burger). The accompanying coffee (which I’ve always kinda enjoyed at the old farm owner’s place) was completely and remarkably flavourless.

It’s disappointing on so many levels but particularly because I could manage, and taste an EggMcTrouser post my cancer & heart ops, but now (maybe cos it’s dirt...

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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 7: “Chicago, Chicago, (Will the hotel overcharge me for the third time, if not:) What a Wonderful Town”


Yeah really. I’ve had to claw back (successfully as it happens) £138 so far (1. “Our Accounts System was faulty” and 2. “It was another room number, sorry”…no I did not bloody well have 5 Tropical Sunrises by the pool thank you very much).

As I write this bit I’m confused, cos I’m eating some Snack Club “Energizing Trail Mix” which is essentially raisins and salted peanuts confusingly mixed with smarties, aka M&Ms all confusingly convoluted and contained cunningly…er…to confuse. Oh well. I had the previous week been served some scrambled egg with toast and jam, and that confused me too. Americans seem to savour savoury and sweet….I’ve yet to try Fried Chicken on Waffles and Syrup, which is flipping everywhere I tell you, aka EVERYWHERE EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE!


DIE YUPPIES it says graffiti scrawled on a toilet paper dispenser in Chicago’s Original Pancake House…

Well I’ve also seen...

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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 6: No Misery in Missouri, halfway hoarse!


Well I do declare, gotta be one of the top 3 purdee pretty States in all of the USA. Those New England colours and so vivid too, make the Kansas City Autumn “ahem, Fall” stunning everywhere you look! Being a guest of the fab Mike (four topics in per sentence) Minor, & Scott, in their equally stunning KC house and also in their lakeside hill-atop dwelling in the Ozarks, my own Ozarks have never felt so good!

So there was a bit of money money money please in the Silver Dollar Theme Park packed full of Buy Me food stores and souvenirs, wacky Wild West Saloon shows, a fabulous bluegrass band of OAPs (truly wonderful), plus a Steamboat Lake cruise thing in the last of the Summer Sun (b4 temperatures plummeted from 38 deg C to MINUS THREE on my departure day a week later) and the boat cruise was one of a host of a zillion Tourist Locations in local lake town Branson including Elvis...

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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 5: Welcome Back To The Betwixt Guide To Hilarious Travel Encounters In Amtrak Trains’ Dining Cars


Ok, LA to Kansas City…35 hours, including 4 meals in the Dining Car. I met my travel mate Dani from Switzerland on one of these long trips 6 years ago… oh D, You Missed A Corker this time. My first dinner was with someone I swear looked and sounded like he was a Nazi Kommandant who’d fled to South America. Then he said: “I live in Colombia” and we talked about football and Liverpool Colombian players. Opposite us on the table are two matching outfitted (pale blue) nun type ‘sisters’ with weird white hats. Herr Colombia says “ARE YOU NUNS?” very loudly. I am on the point of exploding my battered shrimp with pepper sauce all over the swish tablecloth when one of them says “No”. The other then says “We’re Amish”. Herr C says “Whaat?”. Not Nun 1 adds “Amish. We’re Amish”. Not Nun 2 says a little later to me “Do you like chocolate?”. I say something along the lines of “oooh well I’m trying...

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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 4: Baby Baby Baby, No More Refried Beans….


So greeting me most mornings here in Palm Springs in this delicious hot dream land (with lots of LGBT+ interest btw) after I’ve eaten my hotel breaking of fast is the khazi (Non-Existent Ed. Note- “Toilet”) sign which says: “FIRST PULL UP. THEN PULL DOWN”

Now THAT’S where I’ve been getting it wrong. (For further details…. Er, WhatsApp Me baby).


THE OBSCENITY OF? In the US every restaurant/bar is prepared to “Box Up” your dinner/lunch/brekkie cos you’ll NEVER EVER FINISH IT.

Course you won’t …


Talk about World Famine. Biden! Discuss this! Because of this policy you’ve created TRUMPS. Bigger & More Evil!

Forget Jack Nicholson… it’s
“FIVE EASY OVER PORK CHOPS” hehe…. Ridiculous amounts of fried everything…. (No I WON’T box it up….)

I SWEAR this gruesome amount of pig flesh was placed on my serving dish/plate last night. Tasty though.


PLUS a world record. The...

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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 3: Fatigue. Your heart bleeds for me.


Fatigue. FATIGUE.

Happens in all so many ways (“No it doesn’t “-non existent Ed.). Take having to ask 12 times for “batteries” pronounced here in San Diego as “Badreece”…tires me out.

Take my breakfast hollandaise eggs on “English Muffin”. Please take them. Far away. Cardboard never tasted so solid and dentally threatening. Sighed fatiguely AT BREAKFAST. (Swanky hotel though in San Diego actually).

Btw it’s actually nicknamed Sandy Ego this city according to my guidebook.

Nearly got to speak to some Brits last night but decided I was a) too fatigued and b) “I’d been checking her out for weeks and…” etc was not potentially the conversation I would have soared lovingly into….


Already missing my LA friends just cos I could have indulged in conversation for hours and hours more b4 I fatigued them to an early slumber…

Our guide on my two hour tour of San Diego harbour etc was a...

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Betwixt The Coasts From West to East in 80 Days Part 2: Hoogay for Hollywood!


Where WERE we Dear Reader? Ok. Arrived in L.A. Already off to a flyer with dinners and chats. Finding myself currently (Day 3) at THIS MOMENT in gorgeous gay WeHo L.A. I’m not sorry to admit it that I still feel happy and chilled here. I’m 67, I’ve been supporting LGBT+++ rights forever and will NEVER stop even if someone I respect asked me not to wear my pink hat. Honestly. It happened!

Yes this one! My world tour 2017 blue one died disrespectfully earlier this year😢

Just a Wee Bit about The Gay Scene West Hollywood you may (not) ask ? It’s a lovely posey silly mostly rich-ish outrageous set here (other end of Santa Monica Boulevard East end of WeHo The Akbar for instance is more UK and rather wonderful too) but I flipping 🥰 love it all….

See? I’m still going on about Gay Stuff at my age..


Put a 100 down and buy a car…

In a week maybe two…’ll actually get to cross a road...

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