Nightmarish voices are ringing in me ‘ears “In Euro or in Pound? In Euro or in Pound?” The Brexit scenarios are kicking in…I have a UK passport (so it’ll be MORE of a pain everywhere)…

Still, what a nearly three weeks it will have been after nearly 7 days coming in the land of ‘Allo ‘Allo (for non BBC viewers, and if you’re vaguely young, this is a very strange sitcom about the German Occupied France in the Second World War, involving Herr Gruber’s Little Tank, the head of the local SS forever trying to find a painting of the Madonna with the Big Boobies or something, plus British people trying to speak French badly, conveyed by them speaking English very badly “Good Moaning, I spick poefickly wool” type thing….)

Love France though, food, cities, countryside, food, wine, champagne, Eiffel Tower and champagne.

Arrived after three slightly tortuous RENFE SNCF and OUIGO (see what they...

Arrived in SITGES via Barcelona Airport (to change buses obviously). Well that’s enough about Sitges. Nothing changes much there except who visits when and who may have decided to Reside.

Cue pix of all kinds of drinking summery sunbathing cabaret watching debauchery. Can’t be bothered this time … I imagine they’ll end up on Faceplace.

Hotter than usual and busier than I prefer, caught up hankered down breakfasted Paella’d Sausaged Ginned watched some Stage Stuff, though had to miss my old pal’s SP debut (due to a bit of heatstroke and requirement of Crack Of Dawn departure for France Roadtrip-Part Four), and apart from also trying “Sitges Gin” (just a shot or two), I additionally made another memorable visit to Barcelona’s Sagrada Familia the amazing Work Still In Progress But Three Years To Go. Barcelona is of course a busy bustly City, and I rather like it too. Yessireebob and That...

I was told by a friend who knows about these things never to say “third world country” ever again. Mmm. OK València Estaciòn de Bus is like a place from another age. The WC arrangement is certainly less attractive than a B&Q 1967 Orange Bucket, and there are more pigeons eating at the cafeteria tables than “customers” (as UK Rail Services insist on saying).

I’m off on jaunt part three after Jaunt 2 found me having 4 days of super sun (lovely beaches and it’s hat hat hat for me - I bought two) in Valencia …. Gorgeous vibe to the old town where I was accommodated in yet another “Design Hotel”, this time a rather special minimalist number with designer staff with designer haircuts: think Hannah Waddingham in Ted Lasso, and the food drink umpteen beautiful squares with weekend shows plus markets cathedrals museums and astonishing modern design (The city of Sciences) made me rather annoyed...

Hi campers. Naturlich I’m starting this Road Trip across Spain and France by er Air. Gatwick looks rather wrecked to be honest, escalators and lifts largely kaput, and one and a half cafes (pre Club Lounge), and ya need a Very Long Neck to spot the first floor Giraffe Restaurant. Oh 21st Century problems. (What war? What Climate Change?).

Still dear reader, it’s very busy and my flight hasn’t been cancelled. Yet. Nobody has told me to wear a gorilla suit to avoid Monkey Pox, and have a “Non EU Covid Certification Replacement” to flash at people from my watch. So I’m equipped. Thought as a treat I’d debut my denture, trial my teeth and Gnaw on my Gnashers abroad, long enough for the odd wedding pic….

Well, the flight happened. Up, Bolly vino beer and sos and mash, thence here in Málaga where it’s hot hot hot. Basking, drinking in downtown uptown and midtown establishments and WEAR THAT...

3000 metres in minutes. No, not part of a recent marathon attempt, but the rate the A350 airbus starts to drop at from 33000 feet (mixing imperial and metric the fault of BA graphics bods I’m afraid).

Yes Betwixt is back travelling and phew was this necessary..post World Cruises and flights to Spain, I was rather hoping for a spree of sunspots, a panoply of plane popping, when oh no, we were first all forced coviciously covideous, then I became an NHS Alert, ailments and operations mere commonplace to 2021 as antivaxxers are to Loonytown, Arizona, (insert your own locale)…

But back to Feb 2022…. Off I jaunt solo Club World (not a Spice Girls album) to something that so took my fancy and rightly so as it turns out. But more of that later…

Meanwhile back in Heathrow.

“Ere mate, somebody’s done a number two in there” urges my Khazi Attendant pointing out the Business Class Lounge Loo...

It’s 2022. In many ways all anybody wants is some cause for optimism and a better world. I’d like to get travelling again having been locked away in my London premises (and NHS locations) for the past two years.

So I have good news, in so many ways. Please bear with me.

Firstly, I have discovered why I generally dislike Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream products. It’s because I’m not convinced that including pieces of carpet within the comestible is ideal texturally, let alone helpful to youngsters wishing to retain a decent set of gnashers.

Secondly, I’m about to start looking at travelling again to places that will accept my credit cards and that require suntan creams galore.

Thirdly, I’m in the process of releasing into the Wild 22 songs for ‘22 in superdemo form that simply need my enterprising Publishers to remember who I am, listen and then book Taylor Swift (or buddies inc. Lara...

Video evidence click here!

So I went to the postbox. I shouldn’t really, cos yes after Cancer Surgery a Triple Heart Bypass and Arse-ache on my sofa, I FINALLY CAUGHT FLIPPING COVID. 6 days ago. Cough, splutter.

YES I DID.

Ho Ho Ho, and many of you might add, Ho.

So as a message to my adoring fans (that’s you two in the Landor Pub, oh and Samantha my ever patient South African physio, Jeremy, control yourself), and the rest of you enquirers (there’ve been loads actually, bless you)…. Here’s this Queen’s Christmas Message

*So I say Thank you for the Lemsip, the NH-essing
Gets you through when life’s distressing
Who can even bother to hear all Abba’s new stuff
I’ve had enough
Day Four of Covid and my voice is quite gruff

So I say thanks to all for helping
And EVERYONE get jabbed*

South London was quite busy before I caught this thing, and I gather the West End was heaving...

May 2021

Travel, travel, travel! That’s what the WORLD is thinking about now…I know I am…desperate to make my amber a green, and my violet a Carson! (That’s for anyone REALLY OLD). Yup after a year of pandemic (still striking fiercely everywhere) and three months of, well, personal near death experiences (summary below), I wanna get well and Portillo myself to Europe, Get Biden over to USA to catch up on my fab friends there post Trumpety Trump, and then have a nice gentle Sundowner in Catalunya overlooking a rippling wave or ten. I’d also like to return to eating the Comestibles of California, the Nibbles of New York and the Tomatoes of Tomahawk.

Thing is, having to re-learn how to eat, what with most teeth removed and a jaw transplanted from my arm (due to Oral Cancer discovered in March 2021), my current mostly liquid diet with the odd egg, scrambled, not stirred is rapidly...

Well here’s NEARLY the start of my latest traveller’s tales across Corona Centrale, via initially Aeroplane (subject to British Airways Cough Control allowing us through Terminal Priti) across the States of Trump West to East via the Musical Hubs of Los Angeles, Nashville, Chicago and New York City amongst others….

Why the USA one might ask? Well, I like it, rather love it actually. People, places, attitude (mostly), creativity, generosity and most of all the Accents. You can take yer Welsh, Emmerdale, East ‘Am and Gorbals, give me most US tongues any day.