We’ll gloss emulsion and no silk finish over 8 hours in Kolkata Airport voted the most pointless airport on Earth other than a place planes might take off from eventually, in my case, en route to Stage Two of this Megajourney THAILAND essentially to visit my most dear buddette Auntie Jo who lives two hours south of the capital Bangkok in a gentle coastal fishing village named Pattaya once nearly described by Trustpilot as Costa Brava On Crack.

Bangkok then? Landed, lovely if somewhat bouncy Thai Airways flight with luscious food and a surprising amount of Laurent-Perrier champagne as there were only two of us in Business.

Cab to hotel greets one with vast numbers of enormous characterless skyscrapers and motorways…..

Still, thankfully, my hotel in a fab area by the Lizard packed and Lake filled Lumphini Park….plus a gay bar strip where I behaved drank and mostly ate and watched a...

You wanna know about Indian Trains and “Sleepers” ???

First Class means er slightly more comfortable than otherwise with a Force nine gale blowing up yer gusset and sharing with 3 other geezers.

It’s a BYOB kinda affair (Bring your own bogroll) though ideally Avoid The Number Two. Though I risked one out of necessity on my final Indian Rail journey…twas ok apart from the broken door, but that’s another Khazi tale…

My first experience post the numerous touristy joys of the Pink City of Jaipur (well pink ISH) and the lakeside city of Udaipur (plus “153 steps to heaven” aka hotel reception) was The Night Train to New Delhi! Well. Couldn’t sleep so finished off my Miriam Margolyes autobiography (fantastic) then wondered what to do over the rest of the 13 hour journey…

In a compartment with infamous Indian Opera Trio “The Three Snorers” performing Nessan Dorma (aka “you ain’t sleeping...

Let’s talk about Lavatories and Eating. In Injer.

Well every Khazi here including on Indian Rail has a dirty great big hosepipe. This is clearly intended for uh “Watering the Marigolds”. Well last night in Agra after an initial sunset viewing of some Taj building or other, I risked a Thali or an Indian Combo as they called it. It was spicy but crucially delicious in every way possible!

Next Morning it wasn’t so much Delhi Belly as Nagasaki Alka, but there’s still no way I’m going to use that hose ….

Then life is all about ups and downs and at 5.30am we drove off for a second time to see the Taj Mahal …words cannot describe how beautiful it is and actually how simple it kinda looks too. 20,000 people built it coming from Persia largely, and the marble carving techniques have never even been equalled (since approx 1650)….

So much so that Dilip my trusty guide here took me to the...

Well HELLO AGAIN, I said HELLO DEAR READER! I’ll be Capitalising A LOT due to my reliance on NHS Hearing Aids these days, but if I’m WAY TOO LOUD, then please ask to be removed or UNSUBSCRIBED. It doesn’t require anaesthetic. I’ll miss you but not as much as you’ll miss me. (With three darts )😘

THIS MY LATEST TRIP follows on from my Bucket-List Event of 2024 good ol’ Aurora and her Borealis, Scandinavian event where we could see the Northern Lights, but only really well after a bit of fiddling about with ones IPhone. (Other phones are available apparently).

This Bucket-list Marathon Maraud (Maud) is initially to visit my place of birth. Now those of you who believe I was created in a Lab in Staines must now realise that, yup, I was BORN. In INDIA. Yessiree Sari Sam! Sure thing Nancy Naan! INJER…..

So off we go for this Betwixt part 1, and Editor’s Note, three more Bucket-list...

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Moi, aka Bubbles DeMarsh dear Reader, may currently be found near a small town in the heart of England called Ashby-De-La-Zouch, at a Health Spa called Champneys Springs, a place frequented by myself and my beloved Denise on numerous pre-Surgery-and-COVID occasions….

One dons ones white robe and flipflops, gets in sauna steam and swim mode and awaits the joys of a facial, pedicure and Head in the clouds Cocoon massage….whilst trying to avoid too much eye and teeth contact with the most smiley staff since Starbucks Seattle and all this while Staying Off The Booze!!!

They tested me early mind you, with Northwest Trains making me “run” for a replacement bus parked not as stated “outside the front of Rugby Station” but 500 yards away …. I only just survived thanks to the driver having to stop at strategically placed roadworks …..still, here I am.

It’s changed a bit from before now...

The Last leg. Or knee as my most dear friend Marianne Wit might put it, for sous chef baker raconteur and all round good surgery battered egg has hopefully just had her flipping final operation for a long long time and has been on crutches serving me home made delish muffins and tea at her domicile in Den Haag, aka The Hague…..

Not too much time to explore very much after the journey from hell (or Hamburg as we have to call it, via Amersfart, the interchange station either no lifts escalators or taste in scaffolding)…..

But hey we’re in Holland and they love beer of course, especially Belgian???? Oh well. Average pint cost in Norway £9 London £7.50 Stockholm £6.50 and Den Haag £4.50.

So it’s therefore bye bye Holland and a massively efficient early couple of trains to Brussels which is in Belgium by the way which means one stop before the end of the journey and Belgian Ticket...

Useful Fact: the Danish for Hand Disinfecting Gel is Hand Desinfektant Gel.

Well Copenhagen is indeed wunderbar, more tatty I’d say than Stockholm and Oslo apart from umpteen palaces and museums and glorious Harrods size Department stores, but with bags of character plus even a lively gay scene (unlike Sweden and Norway) and plenty of beer and canals and vice versa…..

Met up with dear old muso buddy Jorn which was of course fabulous. Plus finally realised Tivoli Gardens in the heart of the city is a really really tacky and run down Amusement Park (the rides are rusting away before the eyes)…. They claim to be the oldest and 2nd largest (and I’d add rustiest) Theme Park on the planet….

In my constant search for European cities with quaint brightly coloured houses in a row turned into fridge magnets, add Copenhagen to the list…..

Thence to Hamburg, home of the Star Club (where a...

Isn’t the club mix of Swedish Eurovision Star’s “Euphonium” the best? Really is…there have been other Swedish pop groups like that one** who did “Thingie Thingie Thingie”, “Chicken Cheater”, “My Nando” and others ….but Loreen’s Euphonium is easily the best.

(** By the by, you can pay a £100 in London to see that other pop group perform at a gig they’re not at, but provide some sustenance to the families of the backing band, who are actually there.)

So now we’re in Sturka-home, capital of Sveden. The deluxe first class carriage taking me there came complete with free bananas, sweeties and coffee, so I’m geared up for a couple of days of touristen trappen despite an hour or “sixty three minutes delay due to the train not arriving on time in Oslo”.

Figures.

What a day, arriving in Stockholm at -7 deg 2 hour late, then some lovely folk steered me to a lift to take me down to ground...

Well the ship is called Castor (as in Pollux) but it’s being pronounced more and more like the dessert sauce, so that’s what it is.

OK. I last left you Dear Reader, in a flipping STORM. What happened NEXT?

WELL …12 hours later it got a bit calmer, even managed beer bar book and iPad plus a decent kip..

We’re in the grim rain just leaving the Arctic Circle so they’re selling us Trollbrygg which is mulled apple juice cinnamon and rum in a souvenir tin cup for a tenner served on deck 8 in the rain! Warming….

Guess the sights on the Southbound part of this journey are a bit deceptively described, cos 8 months of the year, you can’t see ‘em! And if it’s raining then Northern Lights are tricky too… wonder if there’s a Traden Descriptionnss Actt?

Geek time for me is Day 13: invited to see the Bridge on the ship. Lordy. Sleek, SpaceX like, ship a hybrid Battery/LNG vessel (Natural...