Isn’t the club mix of Swedish Eurovision Star’s “Euphonium” the best? Really is…there have been other Swedish pop groups like that one** who did “Thingie Thingie Thingie”, “Chicken Cheater”, “My Nando” and others ….but Loreen’s Euphonium is easily the best.

(** By the by, you can pay a £100 in London to see that other pop group perform at a gig they’re not at, but provide some sustenance to the families of the backing band, who are actually there.)

So now we’re in Sturka-home, capital of Sveden. The deluxe first class carriage taking me there came complete with free bananas, sweeties and coffee, so I’m geared up for a couple of days of touristen trappen despite an hour or “sixty three minutes delay due to the train not arriving on time in Oslo”.

Figures.

What a day, arriving in Stockholm at -7 deg 2 hour late, then some lovely folk steered me to a lift to take me down to ground...

Well the ship is called Castor (as in Pollux) but it’s being pronounced more and more like the dessert sauce, so that’s what it is.

OK. I last left you Dear Reader, in a flipping STORM. What happened NEXT?

WELL …12 hours later it got a bit calmer, even managed beer bar book and iPad plus a decent kip..

We’re in the grim rain just leaving the Arctic Circle so they’re selling us Trollbrygg which is mulled apple juice cinnamon and rum in a souvenir tin cup for a tenner served on deck 8 in the rain! Warming….

Guess the sights on the Southbound part of this journey are a bit deceptively described, cos 8 months of the year, you can’t see ‘em! And if it’s raining then Northern Lights are tricky too… wonder if there’s a Traden Descriptionnss Actt?

Geek time for me is Day 13: invited to see the Bridge on the ship. Lordy. Sleek, SpaceX like, ship a hybrid Battery/LNG vessel (Natural...

Woo and many would add Hoo. Flipping North I tell you. Way up in the Arctic Circle. It’s glorious gorgeous and soooooo friendly! It’s even Arctic Pride now in Tromsø the most Northern City on Earth! Fave place after Bergen I’d say. Done 3 bars even an 1877 microbrewery and another which is one of the most relaxed mini-chain of bars on this planet called No Stress where people are chatty, play cards and scrabble, and drink beers and cocktails in a pretty smiley way. Mind you, back home at The Bridge & The Clapham North they still smile at me (in pity probably). Thanks folks.

Tromsø then. They were eating supper at 15.15 here today…it’s so dark and very Christmassy too….but really really lovely in its own way. Olde Worlde if you like. Whereas in June they have daylight all day huh. Go Figure… couple of little chats about Trump with some of the local tourists, but hey who cares? At the...

Trondheim was a fog of a visit, “Romantic multi-coloured wooden houses lining waterways which wend through Norway’s Third City…..”

HUMBUG. Was all covered in fog mist and SUBWAY shop signs gleaming through the gloaming, and a most undelightful rapid schlepp back to Mrs Castor (the ship) along a misty motorway got me back on board for more Full Board and lodgings, after the previous evening’s utter glory of about a half hour of Aurora Borealis, Northern Lights to you, Nigel. Ably assisted by the exposure time toggle of my spanking new iPhone 16 Pro Max Bygraves, suddenly greens and hints of reds to come emerge across the night sky, thus fulfilling a life long List item de Bucket….and at these prices (darn reasonable actually), how lovely would it be for more more and even more as we cross tomorrow morning into THE ARCTIC CIRCLE.

In other important news, the Oslo IPA in the bar ain’t...

Hi Betwixt Fans (all 7 of you). Norway Calling.

Days 3 and 4 were indeed spent in the rather gorgeous coastal port city of Bergen! So…..

PHEW NICK YOU:
Lee, Lah and Low! (Bit obscure but I like it).

Up the top over the city and it’s truly gorgeous afjording great views and water way to see the coastline! My cruise leaves here tonight….but my hotel, and the town, is populated with blonde sweet folk and plenty of Metallica T-Shirted types all happily hippy and from a time I wish we could return to with hardly any football on in bars and hardly any re-elected US presidents owning golf courses…..

Norway is probably my fave Eurovision country so I’m pleased it’s so beautiful. Oslo yet to be explored (after my ship’s ahoyed) but they certainly give good Peak.

I’ll be back at this hotel after the cruise when I’ll still look forward to the lift arriving at my floor and a disembodied...

I dunno, Terminal 3 Heathrow is a bit of a let down after recent years of FIVE FIVE FIVE. Still, as a Calcutta Born Brit I STILL feel a shade guilty when a truly delightful Indian perhaps waiter in Business Lounge (or BA Gallery) gets asked by me for champagne and he brings it with bow Bollywallah Style dutifully and happily …well, I’ve paid me Club World Dues, now I’ll drink em …..

This Betwixt is all about LIGHTS WHICH ARE NORTHERN YET WHICH HAVE BEEN VISIBLE IN CORK AND BLACKPOOL ALL FLIPPING YEAR!!!!

First….flight to Oslooooooooo…

Aaah well we’re up skywards and I have beautiful designer tea and two tanquerays so feeling more pacified…..

More gins are just the wee bit of tonic later needed to get this schlep started. Despite my central Oslo hotel being rather bleak, well that’s Nor Way to treat a lady so whilst some US Comedy Election is carrying on, I go to a couple of...

What am I talking about? Why of course, it’s why a cardboard parrot is rammed into a slice of pineapple and shoved on the side of a glass…inside the said container is a strawberry coloured cocktail that simply says FUN FUN FUN. Far be it from me to decry said activity, just a bit “well jel” I’m not as able as I once was….so a few final days of Sea Chairs Sauntering Sunbathing and Supping ain’t been all that bad really….gentle relaxed mostly sober and stuff most people know this Planet Earth would adopt in a matter of microseconds. There’s the wacky iPod touting cabaret street performer, there’s the Central Town Terrace bar manager who served me when he was a child who serves in pyjama bottoms, there’s the friendly £2 a pop cafe bar manager serving delicious fresh mini tapas (PINTXOS I’ve already said. Just LISTEN)….. there’s the sunshine and relaxed vibe….there’s the imminent craziness...

Travelling all by train this trip (for some late summer sun and visits in France natch, Dear Reader), St Pancras at 5.30 am has a lot of grumpy staff. “Take it out”. What, sorry? “Your passport.” I don’t understand. “It’s in a holder” (a sliver of a sleeve actually). Oh, ok. (Sighs ensue and she examines my face at great length as I’m clearly wanted by Interpol in 74 countries for Hermesetas Trafficking).

STAMP. “Next!!”. At least at security they lured me into removing my belt. Oh well.

It’s 6.25 am and my train is about to board. I must say, I’m glad I restarted flying….

Still it’s Standard Premier all the way so I get a free bun…..

MEGALOMANIACAL TAPE PHENOMENON (MTP)

Yup….Stations now employ MTP dictators who can change the queuing route of passengers with a single whoosh.. scary this is but nothing compared with the St Pancras Travelator Operatives who can switch off yer...

One of the glorious things about getting back a-travelling is the necessity to relearn the extensive yoga positions required to purloin some sheets of toilet paper from the BA Business Class khazi.

This therefore dear Readers is my opening gambit en route to Berlin Bran Den Burger airport for 4 days debauchery involving bubbles buddies and boudoirs for my dear pal Berry Bros Edwina. Being 60 enables him to finally say….oh no, I can’t drink ANY more. But I assure all present this will NOT be uttered this extended weekend. Oh no.

THERE MAY BE A BUNCH OF SEKT (no drugs nor rock’n’roll) involved as opposed to masses of Bolly, but well, it still sparkles ….

So back to BA Business Lounge….I asked for a second glass of champagne…the lady at the bar says “you have to ask for it”. Indeed, I just did, for this last glass. “It’s not displayed.” I know, that’s why I’ve asked for it. “So you...

Coney Island eh?

Sooooooooo concerned about my camera shots adding a yellow tint to my face on Coney Island Boardwalk, til I realise it’s mustard from the Nathan’s Hot Dog(s) just devoured……

Back to 4 days left: I’ve just seen the Final Sondheim “Here We Are” and VERY (NOUVEAU) RICHE NEW YORKER humour it is too….hardly any songs in it but some rather dazzling staging in a dazzling new theatre, and a more song-y first half….it won’t be remembered too much methinks… I’ve only just seen it and I can’t remember it…but it had its moments.

Mind you I also saw the abominable waste of time that was Napoleon (in flipping IMAX). Utter garbage. Expensive nonsense. At least Cecil B. De Mille had a great name. Half the cinema was laughing at the dialogue all the way through btw…..

These so called Blockbusters ain’t ‘Alf largely Crap Mum. (An Andrew D of Cambridge is nodding...