Betwixt The Spa Interim!!!
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Moi, aka Bubbles DeMarsh dear Reader, may currently be found near a small town in the heart of England called Ashby-De-La-Zouch, at a Health Spa called Champneys Springs, a place frequented by myself and my beloved Denise on numerous pre-Surgery-and-COVID occasions….
One dons ones white robe and flipflops, gets in sauna steam and swim mode and awaits the joys of a facial, pedicure and Head in the clouds Cocoon massage….whilst trying to avoid too much eye and teeth contact with the most smiley staff since Starbucks Seattle and all this while Staying Off The Booze!!!
They tested me early mind you, with Northwest Trains making me “run” for a replacement bus parked not as stated “outside the front of Rugby Station” but 500 yards away …. I only just survived thanks to the driver having to stop at strategically placed roadworks …..still, here I am.
It’s changed a bit from before now allowing Very Loud Midlands Accented folk to BELLOW INTO THEIR MOBILE PHONES during dinner (hardly relaxing to my soul, thanks Our Soul)….
The most pleasant muzak is still piped in the corridors and treatment rooms (I’m sure I recorded some in a former life), though one passage seemed to consist of somebody blowing into too many pipes after a heavy portion of three bean salad at luncheon…
But all in all, it’s gentle and occasionally quite shocking depending on how quickly you can reduce the shower temperature down from 400 degrees C to “simply scalding”….
The occasional tatted muscly boyfriend dragged along for the company helps ease the view to this old relic and my favourite member of staff (we’ll call her Becky) constantly says “is that all right?” when providing things like a functioning salt cellar, a bottle of water with water in and of course “the nearest facility is at the end of the corridor”. (“Is that all right?”). Yes folks, we’re in quasi Victoria Wood-land***
*** Non Brits: Google “Two Soups” and “Is it on the trolley?”.
Truth be told, am so far feeling flipping relaxed and the body feels better (being my first exercise since my post Bypass nurse tried to get me to walk to the end of the room unaided and encouraged me to put ON weight…. Oh the joys of 2021. Not.
People here do actually spend a shed load of dosh and the facilities like pools gyms saunas etc are fairly fine really, so it is rather pleasant to find a complainant or something seriously awry, such as the fact that all the double beds are twin pairs shoved together, that a few of the showers are always “out of order” that a lady at dinner said to her waitperson “I can’t eat that, it’s too tough, I’ll switch to The Vegan Option” and that a Champneys Elemis Skin Product Shop customer exclaimed (quietly) “I can get that much cheaper in Superdrug.”
I checked. Even cheaper on Amazon if you want the Collagen version.
ANYWAY. Last day coming up ….my final treatment is a Pedicure (I don’t envy my Toenail Chopper), after which they’ll Bill the Foot, before I foot the bill.
Then I’m treating myself as it’s the last night to A Champneys Alcoholic Cocktail, hopefully served by Becky ….
All that’s left to add is that after my final swim and sauna, I’m delighted the No Drooling sign has been taken down, as we seemed to have a few er athletes in ….
Betwixt is now preparing itself for my biggest ever trip, almost dangerous and certainly exhausting, leaving the UK in October 2025.
Watch this space! Enjoy the Summer y’all.
