Betwixt The Biryani: Chapter Two “Itsy Bitsy Cleanie Weanie vs I’m the Turban Spiceman”

Let’s talk about Lavatories and Eating. In Injer.

Well every Khazi here including on Indian Rail has a dirty great big hosepipe. This is clearly intended for uh “Watering the Marigolds”. Well last night in Agra after an initial sunset viewing of some Taj building or other, I risked a Thali or an Indian Combo as they called it. It was spicy but crucially delicious in every way possible!

Next Morning it wasn’t so much Delhi Belly as Nagasaki Alka, but there’s still no way I’m going to use that hose ….

Then life is all about ups and downs and at 5.30am we drove off for a second time to see the Taj Mahal …words cannot describe how beautiful it is and actually how simple it kinda looks too. 20,000 people built it coming from Persia largely, and the marble carving techniques have never even been equalled (since approx 1650)….

So much so that Dilip my trusty guide here took me to the Exclusive Indian Family shop for a carving demonstration and sales pitch …”well we can Freight to England, and you could use one (of the octagonal marble panels looking stunning but weighing a ton) as a coffee table….”

I politely declined.

Now as for eating. Let’s start with breakfast. I’ve had a theory for some time now that there is a slow Revolution brewing amongst Dining Room implements, for instance, every salt cellar/cruet has already downed tools and stopped working. Pepper will follow and you mark my words, Knives and Forks will soon be going for our throats. This is certainly true amongst the Hotels of India so far. But I digress. Continually….

Thus with the mantra being “don’t eat street food or drink tap water” looming daily, I’m being most careful to stick to bottled beer. Kingfisher is Injer’s main produce here…. Delish it is and that word is also an anagram of Delhi’s. Who knew? It comes in Strong, Ultra, Premium and Ribbed. It’s ideal after walking 10,000 steps up a fort and palace or three in a day, watching the sunset and feeling elatedly knackered.

I’ve mostly eaten hotel food which has been exceptionally tasty and spicy, plus the odd paratha and poppadom in a restaurant washed down with you know what.

But Injer. What about Injer?

The elephants most definitely too big for any room are several, and amongst these I’ve taken to tusk, well I think of the constant contradictions a lot, the many women holding babies begging/banging on car windows regularly (though India has free health service and education for all Mister Raj tells me and the begging annoys him a lot), the Hindu and Muslim art combining in many forts and temples (yet Kashmir and disputes galore are still bloody and still occurring, but “that’s just politics” ‘Dave’, aka Mr Divvy, my Jaipur guide insists), the opulence and majesty of the numerous holy sights and Royal Palaces compared with the endless streets in the cities appearing to be out of a squalorful apocalyptic movie, and the fact that it is estimated Injer will have the richest economy on Earth by 2035. You’d never think so. Never.

The Slumdog Millionaire comparisons are present and mostly correct.

But the beauty the love and the kinda feeling of Inner Peace amongst the mayhem is Universal here, once the mad TukTuk Motorbike and Car honking has died away, and what’s left after each day, and it’s been mad touring so far so I haven’t had much chance to chat with people really, is…. Is….

SUDDEN BLISS. Sudden Bliss.

I think the in depth lunacy and close up hilarity and wackiness might appear big time in the huge poor city of my birth (Calcutta now Kolkata) during my final 6 days here….

I next have Udaipur and an overnight train to Delhi where I’ll also do the Metro and get close and personal to the city first.

Agra and Jaipur both are strewn with the most incredible sights including Injer’s two Biggest Tourist attractions (Taj Mahal and Amber Fort) and yup, they will blow you and your socks well and truly off. The 1000 pix already taken will appear in a 12 part series on Ganges Prime in 2028.

So witticisms are still mostly at a premium during this Spititual Sojourn, this Meaningful Meander, this Eggs-traordinary Egg Curry and Paratha following the greatest Chicken Tikka ever (about to be encored again tonight!)….

But after 6 days of spicy ricey nicey nicely, the tummy has ahem mostly stayed in control and I haven’t so far been “In The Imodium for Lav.”

Next Betwixt, Udaipur and the Midnight Train to Delhi (by Gladys Maharaja and the Poppadoms)!

Just letting you know, an incredibly unimspiring and buttock crunching 7 hour road trip to the rather yuck 1 minute beauty the next City of Udaipur listening to 7 going on 700 hours of Raj’s Bollywood songs followed by arriving at a grand hotel only reachable by 200 flipping steps does NOT bode well for Chapter 3. WARNING!

Much Love and I Cherish Your Comments!

Christoph, Jaipur, Rajasthan October 2025