Betwixt The Biryani: Chapter One “Hello Delhi, well Hello Delhi, It’s So Nice!”
Well HELLO AGAIN, I said HELLO DEAR READER! I’ll be Capitalising A LOT due to my reliance on NHS Hearing Aids these days, but if I’m WAY TOO LOUD, then please ask to be removed or UNSUBSCRIBED. It doesn’t require anaesthetic. I’ll miss you but not as much as you’ll miss me. (With three darts )😘
THIS MY LATEST TRIP follows on from my Bucket-List Event of 2024 good ol’ Aurora and her Borealis, Scandinavian event where we could see the Northern Lights, but only really well after a bit of fiddling about with ones IPhone. (Other phones are available apparently).
This Bucket-list Marathon Maraud (Maud) is initially to visit my place of birth. Now those of you who believe I was created in a Lab in Staines must now realise that, yup, I was BORN. In INDIA. Yessiree Sari Sam! Sure thing Nancy Naan! INJER…..
So off we go for this Betwixt part 1, and Editor’s Note, three more Bucket-list Items are due to follow on this very same Trip, Trev. Yes this very journey, Johnny. This —- (Ed. - “Think that’s enough of all that name alliteration, Al).
Heathrow. Hrumph. Well at least I FINALLY got my champagne after a rather rapid Uber and check-in whilst an old-fashioned peasouper wafted outside. And if I hear “speed camera, 200 yards” one more time, I’ll toss my hearing aids overboard….
Champagne at the BA Business Class LOUNGE is available but only after you ask two members of staff who will then “bring it over, sir” adding “just one glass?”. Mind you, I can’t deny their sausages and scrambled are practically nice. I’m wondering if I get Kedgeree for breakfast in India, served in a massive silver bucket with lashings of Kingfisher……
Meantime outside Terminal 5 it’s still a Foggy Day In London Town (aka VERY West London)…..but champagne man has brought me two more glasses “to keep me going”…
Then we’re off after a 90 minute delay on the runway for FOGGY REASONS….
The flight? Great food and drink, but way too bumpy bumpy for total pleasure pleasure….years ago I woulda panicked but I just grabbed another Tanqueray (and something called Di Ada Pam kinda thing) and grinned (grun ?) and beared (bore ?) it…..and it’s HELLO DELHI well HELLO DELHI it’s so nice to be right back where I came from…….though strictly speaking that’s now called Kolkata..
I’m on a personal guided and driven tour here having decided where to go and what to do ending up in my birthplace Kolkata for 6 days. But more of that later…..
Delhi Delhi oh Delhi. New and Old Crazy Crowded and absolutely jam packed with residents street sellers (risking life and limb) and millions yes millions of TUKTUKs, 3 wheeler 2 seater death traps (aka kinda gas powered green therefore cab type things) and just as many motorbikes and rickshaws (the latter of which are for one or two masochists and which have no intention of following any Highway Code. The one I took today (my second full day) was scarier than the worst turbulence filled jumbo while watching The Exorcist, and I was literally shaking after it. Exhilarating though despite having witnessed one near all out brawl and at least 50 people being nigh on run over. Oh and did I mention the sound of BIP BEEEEEP BARP BARRRRP BEEP BEEP that I currently can’t get out of my head despite some gentle housey pop trying to relax me over a cold Kingfisher Beer in the hotel bar….
But my first two days back in Injer have been emotional exciting revelatory incredibly informative Hindu Temple (not brother of Shirley)-wise. Seen amazing forts mosques aforementioned temples street markets chai stands (where they sell delicious ginger flavoured sweet tea with condensed milk, yes it IS delish, Nigel)…..Thankfully my Guide and my Driver “Mister Raj”) and myself are driving around in an air conditioned car because Central Delhi at 33 degrees is kinda a bit too much for this old geezer….
Rules have to be followed though so I’m given a long yellowish skirt while entering religious places (rather fetching too, plus I get to keep it)….
My hotel is incredibly upmarket and is basically for everyone with a few bob…food great (mutton biryani and black spicy dhal last night was heavenly…)
I’m told that India is basically about 60% veggie in general these days so….i don’t need much to eat but what I’m having is terrific….
Quirks? I.E. Something actually FUNNY to say to convince you er dozens of readers not to switch over to Strictly?
OK:
Nothing TOO hilarious but astonishingly the Man at Delhi Customs said “Born in Calcutta (sic) then?” I replied…”Yes, my Father ran two cinemas and a theatre there”. Customs fella replied: “I used to skip school and go to the Lighthouse cinema…was that one of your Father’s?” I after a few gin and tonics from the flight shouted “YES!!!!!!!!!” He asked me to quieten down a bit and we laughed.
My young barman here at the hotel keeps giving me lots of snacky things saying “you can never have too many nuts”.
My er joke of looking forward to assembling 400 paparazzi at the Taj Mahal tomorrow so I could get the perfect Lady Di pic was met with a confused chuckle by my lovely guide Nirij, and finally, for the moment:
I haven’t seen ONE FRIDGE MAGNET YET so folks, those Easter 2026 gifts may have to be Cadbury’s Eggs After All.
MORE SOON FROM Agra, Jaipur and Udaipur, plus my first experience in and on An Indian Train.
Christoph x Delhi October 2026
