Betwixt The Interim 6: The Transatlantic Conclusion



“We’re taking these lovely pastries back to the room” said the two girls from Exeter. “We can’t get enough!”

Well now, Dearest of Readers, The End is in fact Nigh. The Players from The First Act have already stated their case for Infamous Inclusion in my Travelicious Tales. For instance, The Lovely Daniel (wine waiter, fledgling Croatian Actor, Britannia Restaurant, QM2) is pleased to re-meet myself, and for the first time my final travel companion, The Nurse. Captain Jolly Hockey Sticks Christopher is still here, and Ents Director “Each and Every” Hi-di-Hi Jo has stuck it out, and remains deliciously-ah awful-luh. Sunsets? Tick. Finest of Dining. Tick. Loads of Brits. Tick. No mentions so far of Timmy Trump and Terry May. Plenty of Line Dancing and Quoits on deck though.
Nurse loves the lemonade: “Best so far”. The Planetarium and Karaoke loom large on his hitlist, and despite the Vieux-Chapeausiocity of these, I promise to indulge. I’m making allowances. He’s eating himself silly too. Even I had a second sausage roll yesterday. First Companion D remembers how good THEY are!

“I’m full of uce LESS, repeat uce LESS information” said our Welsh breakfast companion from Marble Arch. “ Do you say ‘One for the road’ in America (he asks two unsuspecting women)?” I’ve missed that. The British Bore. NOT.
Carol’s a Martial Arts Instructor from Staines, her husband George isn’t but does possess comedy eyebrows, and OAP Reece is from Caerphilly, likes a ciggie, yet, I’m afraid to say, the time has come where I JUST CAN’T GIVE A TINKER’S FIG anymore. “Where have you been, ooh that’s a long way, been on here before, we’ve done Princess AND Seaborne, but find the gravy on Cunard the Most satisfying etc etc etc……….”


Celia Imrie, super actress and sadly boring lecturer, is here. I do miss Acorn Antiques. (This is “The Best Years of Our Lives in Antiques,” for our Overseas Reader - Non Existent Blog Ed.) Aah…. memories.

My other Good Sports from Cruise One Antonio and Ranjith are both here too grinning galore (plus Antonio’s Mythical Cat: “She’s getting bigger”). The Cocktail Parties are the same, the frocks glitterier, the dickies dickier, and the Ship quizzes quizzier. The terrific dancers prancier, the singers jaded-ier but the State Room Attendants keen kind and as k'Philippine-origined as ever. Plus, this cruise’s special product sale is a set of Traditional Coasters. “Something to stick your coffee cup on in ze mornings in your country house” says Jens, Sales Genius, Prints Department, Deck Three.
It’s starting to sink in. It’s really coming to an end. No more sea. No more ocean. No more Luxury Liners or World Cruisers from Chatham (Bye, Ken and Margaret).

This voyager is Nearly Home. Will it feel like Home? Home is Where the Hope is. Let’s hope.

To end, we must commence. We did, we continued and so must we complete the Circle. Hemispheres crossed, Datelines traversed, Oceans conquered and land masses manoeuvred.

To state the Bleedin’ Obvious, This World is Big. Flipping Huge. If any of my patient readers can venture out and sample it, my vote is for Green, as in, Go. Go West East North South and Crazy….

Young, Old, Twit or Twerp, Do it. Flog the donkey, sell your Chers, and also your Sonnies. Discover and Smile, Sing and Shout. Maybe some of the Grim and Gritty have been conveniently garrotted from these fables (and the ships don’t dock at Syria, Afghanistan or Palestine currently), so one may have embellished bothered and bewildered thee dearest Reader at times, but I trust a small wedge of entertainment has been entrusted with you, for largely better.

More Importantly, much love and thanks for helping this quasi-writer through the very long ride.

Adieu. Pip Pip. Plink Plink. Fizz.

© CWM June 21st 2017 Off the Cornish Coast, Betwixt Productions



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Betwixt the Coasts: From West to East in 80 Days Part 3: Fatigue. Your heart bleeds for me.

Fatigue. FATIGUE. Happens in all so many ways (“No it doesn’t “-non existent Ed.). Take having to ask 12 times for “batteries” pronounced here in San Diego as “Badreece”…tires me out. Take my breakfast hollandaise eggs on “English Muffin... Continue →