BERLIN Betwixt 2024
One of the glorious things about getting back a-travelling is the necessity to relearn the extensive yoga positions required to purloin some sheets of toilet paper from the BA Business Class khazi.
This therefore dear Readers is my opening gambit en route to Berlin Bran Den Burger airport for 4 days debauchery involving bubbles buddies and boudoirs for my dear pal Berry Bros Edwina. Being 60 enables him to finally say….oh no, I can’t drink ANY more. But I assure all present this will NOT be uttered this extended weekend. Oh no.
THERE MAY BE A BUNCH OF SEKT (no drugs nor rock’n’roll) involved as opposed to masses of Bolly, but well, it still sparkles ….
So back to BA Business Lounge….I asked for a second glass of champagne…the lady at the bar says “you have to ask for it”. Indeed, I just did, for this last glass. “It’s not displayed.” I know, that’s why I’ve asked for it. “So you have to request it”. Ok, I’m requesting it. Please. “I’ll bring one out to you. You stay here?”. Yes, I’ll stay here. I’m drinking it. NOW.
Still. Berlin Airport (just the one now) follows rapidly on via an hour and 20 of in flight g&ts and some packets of Something Nutty called Rosemary Mix. Not Ms Cluney’s Greatest hits I might add. Our glorious hotel “Art’Otel” displays prints in the room (thank heavens LIMITED editions) of nightmarish scribbles that make Damien Hirst seem like er Damien Hirst. Am greeted with two bottles of water “A Gift For You” and a clever phone operated door key is advised to “have not got it to work yet”. Ja.
Then it’s Party Dinner Party Drinks Party (up 74 flights of stairs which I sadly only managed the once as Berlin Ventilation Stocks are low. Great fun then the Battle for the Bus tour….various sales folk are Screaming Darth Vader style with extra Bargaining Ability to have the one day 37€ the 40 minute 20€ or the negotiated down Whenever You Fancy over two days….which we did. Our earpiece recorded tour guides (called Samantha we decided) accompanied themselves on a soundtrack of Cold War Spy music alarmingly bursting into jazz chords unexpectedly. Lots of bits of Berlin Wall now covered in white modern irritating graffiti stand opposite the vast Uber Eats Arena and Uber Eats Opera House.
German food? Well….schnitzel, wurst (mit curry or bun) and Indian/Japanese/Chinese/Thai are the order of the day it seems….not as many Bavarian style frothy beer parlours in Berlin anymore, but I’m delighted to say the Starbucks has a very clean and spacious Uberloo, needed by ancient and ailing Yours Truly which, dear reader, is a relief to us all…
After meeting two sets of other folks from my distant but happy past and drinking vast amounts of champers in Berlin’s top Dept Store KaDeWe….a rather brief trip to camp and cabaret Chumminy (inc Bar Woof!), was followed by nightcaps with the Birthday Boy and a scalding trip back to Business Class Beverage and flight via bye bye beers at the Nordic Airport Bar.
More yoga positions were required at “Templehof Business Lounge” for loo paper retrieval but, slightly interestingly, the texture in the Berlin Airport Khazi Houses was strangely comforting. Probably this was to counter the excessive effect of harsh currywurst gut attack….
Flight home uneventful with gin and champagne aplenty and chicken tikka galore.
Most fun, happy times and oh oh, it’s Spain and France next.
Whoops. Cx